always.

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

is it true that after you have confessed, the person will not treat u as he has before?

hahahahahahaha...

so funny.

haix...

i relli dont know.

i think i have changed A LOT, seriously..

the past me :
+ shy
+ untalkative
+ blur
+ always smile sheepishly
+ doesnt like to make myself up
+ plain
+ happy

Now :
+ talkative
+ easily jealous
+ easily suspicious
+ easily infactuated (LOL)
+ pestimistic
+ pretending to be optimistic
+ like makeups
+ like to shop for nice clothes.

YOu might partly its gd right.. for a girl to like to make herself pretty..
But secretly, i hate it.
its so tiring.. so tiring.. just to make yourself to nice, to what?
for ppl to see?
for ppl to go WOW?
for ppl to gawk?
to be part of the trend?
to be COOL? what so gd about being cool?
what benefits do u get when u r cool?
does it means that the cooler u r the more ppl willl like you?
but, whats so gd about being liked by ppl who like u only because u r cool?
whats so great about being like by ppl just because u are .. i dont know..

i just know im going mad.. IF i continue..
i really wish i not hu i am now..
always telling myself i cant hate myself..
yeah.. but thats true..
how can anyone hate themselves...
always telling myself to say optimistic.
always forcing myself to not to be easily affected by surrondings.
scolding myself when i gets jealous over silly things..
forcing myself never o say " I SUCK"
whats the point of living?

+++ STOP+++

+++rewind+++

i dun wan to be anything..
i wan to go back to myself again..
where i dun care whether im chio or ugly or whatever.
where i dun care what is cool or not
where i dun care hu hates me or like me
where i dun care abt whether ppl think im rich or not
where i dun noe anything about branded goods
where i dunnoe anything about popularity
where i dun care if the person i like likes anyone else
where i dun care if my friends have better stuffs then me
where...
where..
where im just ME.

but.. thats part of growing up, as everyone said..

perhaps, i relli dun want to grow up..
haha.. S.H.E is new song..

i really dont know..

Sunday, January 29, 2006

what is true and what is not?

i realise i had always been toking about this stupid and boring and dry and unanwserable topic..
FOREVER.

True means true to people around you, true to yourself, true to your heart, be who you are..
BUT that does not means that you can say whatever you want.

There is a difference between being true and being insensible. Being true and not a fake person DOES NOT MEANS YOU HAVE TO BE INSENSIBLE.

Scenario: you are a salesperson. and theres a very fat customer who asked you about the dress she is interested in.

she: I want to match this dress with my new handbag *swung it in front of you* do you think it might be nice?

you: Yes it will... But the dress wont.. as in you are too fat. Sorry im just a very straightforward person.

THE END.

thats the end of you. i mean you not only lost your stupid job, BUT YOU HAVE HURT A PERSON.

Being true and straight forward doesnot mean you can say whatever you think without using your brain.. nonono..

Okay, take myself as example. Sushi is getting married and im kinda sad..

[ Insensibly true ]

sushi : im getting married!

me: HUH!! but.. NO YOU CANT!!! im so sad... why????? theres no chance for me????? but.. * bursts out crying like mad*

sushi: .... * and deciding never to speak to me or even marry anymore*

[ True but sensible ]

sushi: Im getting married soon!

me: Really? Hey congrats! so fast sia..

sushi: yeah.. thanks! free to come for my wedding ceremony?

me: nah.. too busy.. but all the best!

sushi: thanks! * and lived happily ever after with his wife... and children and grandchildren...*

See what i mean.. i noe im a bit sad..
BUT common sense tells you that you wont go crying to him about your future blah blah..
i mean.. okay, you wanna be TRUE and not fake right.. what is fake?
fake is.. not being uh you are.
but being sensible means.. you are being hu you are.. you know what is right and what is wrong..
it shows that you are mature enough to judge how to behave correctly at a particular time.
Being sensible is part of who you are, not by acting it out.
SO... its alright to be sensible.. and its alright to be fake ..
I mean, everyone is..
but sensible doesnt means fake..
and true doesnt means you have to say out everything you feel..

WISH SUSHI GD LUCK FROM MY HEART!
though im still a little sad lar..
haha... but it will still happen anyway..

P.S the above long winded essay is not pointed to any person..

Friday, January 27, 2006

just realised how lucky it is be in a mixed school with extremely little guys around:

Cuz girls are too obsessed in impressing the guys to risk their popularity by tauting or doing anything horrible to you.
Unlike shen, who is in a all girl school, a girl is said to be popular for being able to get whatever she want no matter by what means... yuck..
poor shen, im sure she would rather live HERE where most girls ( i STRESS IM NOT ONE) flock on any guy they can get their hands on.. yes, at least you wont be suffering from physical threats here...
LOL.

thats good isnt it.
I;ve personally made a record of THE BEHAVIOURS OF GIRLS IN FRONT OF GUYS. and THE BEHAVIOUR OF GUYS INFRONT OF GIRLS.

Girls in front of guys:
(1) act cute.. typical sia..
(2) act blur
(3) tom-boyish
(4) heck-car-ish
(5) depressed
(6) sui he
(7) caring to girls and boys [ everyone benefits, GOOD]

Guys in front of Girls:
(1) act cool
(2) ap
(3) tease girls
(5) act shen qing
(6) caring to girls n guys [ both benefits again, GOOD]
(7) act mature.. haix.. bui mature..
(8) like to tease girls..( the ones they like of course)

BUT: it is provided that they like the person then they show their best side to the person..
I, personally, cannot stand people who likes to act kind and stuff in front of people they dont even like. THEY JUST WANT THE guy/ girl to like them and boost their ego.. YUCK.
i mean if you are really that kind of nice person, you WOULD NOT :

scenario: " there is only one seat left in the MRT AND theres like still 2 of you not seated yet.."

person Y: nevermind lar.. i like standing..."

Person Z: really? weirds sia.. *laughs*

person Y : aiya.. cuz not enough seats liao.. * but said softly so no one heres..

person A ( seated) : aiyo.. dun like seating.. haha.. weirdo..

person Y (in a loud fake tone) : BUT THERES NO MORE SEAT LEFT LEH MAR..

person Z ( who has just sat down) : oh..

SEE!!!!!! okay.. maybe you dunt get it but what im trying to say is that the person Y NEED TO EMPHASIZE THAT HE/SHE IS KIND AND BLAH so others will HEAR Him/HER AND THINK HE/SHE IS NICE AND BLAH even though the person he/she likes isnt here or there... if you really have the heart to like let others seat.. then let that person seat in peace.. dun say because theres no more seat left and you are being nice to let the person seat.. I MEAN, its just so.. erm.. erm.. how to say arh.. nevermind.

i just dont like this kind of ppl.. a truly nice person would probably leave the last line out and go :" its okay, i can stand one.. ya.. i dun like seating can.. "

or something similiar.

but look on the BRIGHT SIDE, at least you got to seat right..
that's why i say its good to be in a mix school where nobody will dare to risk their popularity by taunting you or what.. to be specific, an intelligent mixed school.

LOL. HAPPIE NEW YEAR .. CHINESE NEW YEAR. HAPPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!

lol. so lorsor..hahax..

P.S. the above stupid and long-winded " essay" is not pointed to any specific person.lol

i finally understand how he feels towards me.
i really do...
thats the way how i feel about him..
no i dun like him..
but everytime i see him sad or something, i feel hurtful for him, wanting to care for him..
but i STRESS I DUN LIKE HIM...
and im not sexist... i feel the same way for ppl like my bestfrens too..
okay..okay... so i finally understand how he always felt..
haix.

ANYWAY!
i went with Yan Ru to watch IM NOT STUPID TOO.
IT ROCKS CAN!!!
i cried for N times lor..
its really touching... seriously.. I LOVE IT..
so sweet can..
and the " TOm" in the show is SHUAI.. very shuai.. chao shuai!!
shuai-er than the other one lar..
but i think this show shud be for the parents to see more than the children to see.
CUz its like telling parents how important it is to understand their child.. and stuff.
so shud be rated as about R21 so most adults will go and see and UNDERSTAND how we FEEL.
lol.
no lar.. i also got learn some very IMPORTANT LESSONS.
first, treasure my parents cuz they are a bit better the parents in the show.. lol. jkjk.
second and last, always remember to praise the ppl around you when they have done something for you or when they achieved something.. blahblah..

that was what i had forgotten for years.. ever since i thot i "grown up". yeah.. when mx cut her hair, which was rather nice, i forgot to praise her ( partly because i was jealous..LOL)
when my bro did something for me, i will just "orh" or what lor..
felt bad..

so i said to my bro, who just cut his hair, " you look shuai-er now leh.."
and he was like, " oh.." act cool lor..
hahax..

so .. mx if you see this.. YOUR FRINGE ROCKS.. and i didnt praise it cause i was too jealous.. lol
muaha..

BUT the main point is..
YOU MUST CATCH THIS MOVIE FOR YOU WILL REGRET LIFE LONG...

>.< hahax.. no im not getting any commission fees for promoting the movie at my blog..
so watch it lar..

" FAMILY =
Father
And
Mother
I
Love
You!! "

SO SWEET!!!

Friday, January 20, 2006

i knew something bad was going to happen today.
i knew it.
AND it happened.

During Maths, Chng gave us some question to do right?
and guess what?
YES,
he called me, ME, to do one sum that i dun understand.
URGH.
and got humiliated..
okay, at least i learnt something right..
BUT STILL,

i feel stooooopit.
STUPID.
DUMB.
SPASTIC.
THICK.
BRAINLESS.
DIM-WITTED.
argh.

very sleepy and very tired sia..
no el today.
very sian.....
ahhh.. how come all i know is "very"..
my brain is decomposing at an increasing rate.
plot a graph, amount of brain/kg against time/min :

So from the graph, you can tell:
As time/s increases, amount of brain/kg decreases at an increasing rate.

homework undone:
+ maths worksheet.
+ maths ex.11b
+ cheena cut newspaper( direct tranlation)
+ cheena gan xiang
+ cheena newspaper qns.
+ cheena text bk reading ( 3 chaps.)
+ engrish compo planning
+ dead.

+ and still loving him.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Went to register my ic today.
just reached home and bathed finish.
Tired.
Fell alseep in the car.
Urgh, just realised how stupid i look in the photo.
Shud have taken a chio-er photo..
BUT ren zhang de chou, zhen me pai dou shi yi yang de la.
( translation: If you are born ugly, no matter how you take the photo, you will still be ugly in the photo..)

Maths haven complete.
Physics haven complete.
Chem haven read.
Chinese haven do.
URGH.
sad hor.

Then today during PDP we finished the games early so had a debate.
And Yang jin and Nai shenf had this very heated up discussion.
So heated up that they went off topic, which is " Should Singlish had a place in Singapore"
Our group, proposition.
I mean its obvious SInglish should have a place right?
But Singlish having a place in Singapore doesnt mean that we should always speak singlish and not english.
But somehow they managed to turn the whole topic about the bad about speaking Singlish and how Singlish may affect education.
And i was again hinted for being verbally handicap.
Cuz when nobody wanted to start the ball rolling, I just stood up and said something like , Singlish is what that makes Singaporeans unique.
And Jaina was like, " Next time you'all amke a point. It is better to elaborate on it rather than just, you know.."
FINE.

But got something HAPPY happened today too.
MUAHA.
Cuz during PDP Jaina gave us free time mah.. so Yanting, Yanru and I were telling ghost stories lar.
AND, obviously, i told them about the " ABC" story.
nvr expect them to scream until the whole class stoned and turned to cast horrored looks at us.
I CANT HELP STOP LAUGHING MAN.
HAHAHA.
And Jaina remarked : " never scare your classmates with screams arh.."
LOL.
lame.

FEEL VERY PROUD.
lol.

not realli looking forward to chinese new year.
didnt noe he was going too.
kind of looking forward to it.
but actually also dreading it..
ARGH.
forget it.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Dont know what happened to me.
I was daydreaming the whole day, just plain waiting and wishing and hoping, okay, practically dying for the clock to strike 1.45.
I need to take a break.
URGH.

Had a bad headache. Actually consider not that bad compared to past experience larx.
But still... I think its because of last night... i was listening to radio and fell asleep and when i woke up, my head was full of weird strings of words and lyrics.
MAN. It so scary can >.<

haix.. need to finsih maths and physics.
Suddenly sec three life seem to suck. okay, i noe im slow to say that now..
Well, at least i have Chinese New Year to look forward to...
Ang Pao, Showing off new clothes.. blah blah..

Just realised that the lip-gloss Da shen bought for me cause your lips to peel after use.
ARGH. lost another layer of lips. erp.

better go and do homework liaox... sian LAR.

~~I like you before, but that doesnt means that i will like you forever. maybe. maybe not.~~

Monday, January 16, 2006

Samantha Ronson's Built This Way.
[Mean Girl]'s song.

I LOVE THE SONG!! but dunno where to download leh..haix

===========================

Did you ever feel like you wanna be
Someone else for just one day,
Did you ever feel like you wanna
See through another pair of lies,
Did you ever think I'm a wannabe with
Anyone else just one day,
Did you ever you really think of me when i walked away?

You look, you don't sound apologetic,
You smoke your subjects at my eyes, like you think,
You know where you think you'll find, you think you'll figure me out tonight,
But you'll never know what i won't share,
Cause I don't care and I don't care,
You think you'll figure me out tonight,
But I don't care,

And I wonder, if I'm just built this way,
Cause every man that I know, makes me feel like'I'm too plain'
When it's over and my selfish ways,
Go back to start again, go back to start again.

Did you ever feel like you should have said
Something smarter at that time,
Did you ever feel like you should have kept
In all to yourself,
Did you ever think it might be your fault
And never promise anymore,
Did you ever think it might not be me
Now it was always me?

You look, you don't sound apologetic,
You smoke your subjects at my eyes, like you think,
You know where you think you'll find, you think you'll figure me out tonight,
But you'll never know what i won't share,
Cause I don't care and I don't care,
You think you'll figure me out tonight,
But I don't care,

And I wonder, if I'm just built this way
Cause every man that I know, makes me feel like'I'm too plain'
When it's over and my selfish ways
Go back to start again

And I wonder, if I'm just built this way
Cause every man that I know, makes me feel like'I'm too plain'
When it's over and my selfish ways
Go back to start again, go back to start again

You look, you don't sound apologetic,
You smoke your subjects at my eyes, like you think,
You know where you think you'll find, you think you'll figure me out tonight,
But you'll never know what i won't share,
Cause I don't care and I don't care,
You think you'll figure me out tonight,
But I don't care,

And I wonder, if I'm just built this way
cause every man that I know, makes me feel like'I'm too plain'
When it's over and my selfish ways
Go back to start again,

And I wonder, if I'm just built this way
cause every man that I know, makes me feel like'I'm too plain'
When it's over and my selfish ways
Go back to start again, go back to start again

Go back to start again.

Trying to make my posts sound cheem and not so fu qian.. but obviously failed lar.

But that got me questioning,
WHAT EXACTLY IS THE PURPOSE OF A BLOG?

An online diary.
But i thought diaries were purposed to be secretive and not meant to be view by the others, not to mention THE PUBLIC.
SO, a blog cant possibly be like a diary la, because what you write in a blog is mostly, well, not very true.

I mean, let say i hate ABCD a lot, i cant post it here can i? If i do probably the next day i will be assasinated liao..

Haix.. that means blogging is fake diary writing. You can blog to make ppl like you and on the other hand, you can blog to make people hate you(which most people wont).
YOu can blog to make people THINK that you are real, other words pretend to be a real person when you are fake when you are real.

URGH.

What im trying to say is that... You can never be your true self when writing your blog.
WAIT. that includes me.

Okay.. forget about the fake and real part then. whatever you blog, you get yourself into Jail by being too real. AND i emphasize im not pointing this to anyone. Just so bored i cant be bother to think of a better topic to talk about.

All celebrations over, school finally regained normal. HAIX. i hate it.
soon common test will be arriving. and..

STUDYING BEGINS!!!!!!!! ARGHHHHHH!!!!!!

what could be worst.

Oh ya.. did i mention about making my ic soon. Not very excited actually.

e.r.

Friday, January 13, 2006

well, i did it.
though i still cant believe i did it you see.
haix. well, i confessed. First time ever in my dear dear life.
kind of amazing. but i know it feels awkwards...

And sort of got reject.
but i got over it. hahax.

Seriously, i cant understand why i wasnt feeling sad.
okay, firstly because i had already guessed the result.
Second, i didnt expect any answer from him.
Third, i dont know.
i think i noe but its not nice to say.

ANYWAY, lol, today 13th friday right?
and i was wondering if anything bad might happen to me, but nth happened sia.
And then spent the whole day alone cuz dear dear yanting ( hope she doesnt sees this.. muaha..) went for the rehearsal for GOLDEN JUBILEE. wahlau, pon class for the whole day lor. Hahax, but they can only go home at 5pm. TOO BAD. lol.

TAlking about classes hor, i think im changing. Cuz, im starting to finish every single homework i can finish in sch and end up doing nth at home. AND, i always made notes, AND i always complete whatever homework on time. AND i always jote down my homeworks, every single one big or small. MAN, im really turning nerd. THE WORST OF ALL IS, Im actually enjoying lessons. I think im going mental.. lol. but thats gd hor.. *nerd-look*

Sunday going to watch GOlden Jubilee with mx, must wear.. erm formal.. yes, FORMAL. lol. Evenng gown? no lar. dun wear slippers ( as in the rubbery type) or singlet ( as in the lau ah pei wear in Kopi shops one) LOL.

Still got physics worksheet haven complete cause SOH-SOH nvr even like explain or anything! and slow ppl like me cant understand. GREAT. Nvm, have to consult dad then, the pro in physics. And then do the graph worksheet on physics .. hmmm.. OH YA... brain storm on the commonwealth compo or competition or whatever larx.

Haix, alot hor.. YAH.. exactly! Somemore i had already done the MATHS n BIO in class liao. haix. sian lar..

But really cant wait for new year. Know why? CUZ I CAN SHOW OFF MY NEW CLOTHES!!
i look damn shu nu(gd girly) in those clothes man.. lol. but its better than i look shu niu (mouse cow) rite? lame la. But Yanting lamer. and theo is lamest. Cuz she cut her darling hair AGAIN. haix.. the ever changing ( and in some ways never changing .lol.) THEO.. lol. but thnx for the lovely video which was as lovely as you. MUaha.. diaox.

OH YA.. one more thing. Theo says i will be sitting beside her mom, sis and bro during the Golden Jubilee.. Hope i can get to sit beside her bro then i can see if he is really as shuai as she says it. IM SURE THEO IS LYING.lol.

rain has finally stop. at first dunno why, i meant it stopped rite after i confessed. Now i noe why. because my heart has gone on.

Enchanted. Eclair. Elixir. Eternity. Everlasting. Enigma. Eccentric. Exotic. ECLECTIC

why of all NICE NAMES must they choose ECLECTIC. TEL ME WHY??!!
P.S. okay.. except eccentric la. LOL.

going on n on n on n on //*

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Shed a tear; dont cry.
I'll sing you a lullaby.
Spread your wings; dont fly.
I've never said goodbye.
Shed a tear; dont cry.
I'll be always by your side.
Look at me; dont ask why.
There's no answer; there's no time.
Shed a tear; and cry.
I'm sorry because i lied.
Take my hands; fly to the sky.
This is where I am.
This is where I die -

xy copyright

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

First day of school.

First.
Day.
Of.
School. (copied from a book)

And im already falling apart.
Dont think i can hang on much longer.
FIrst, had this stupid introducing yourself stuffs going on. Then got a break. Then came back and had something else on. Then mysteriously another break. AND when i came back to class, MOST ppl were gone. GONE. only left those Clit ppl ther. MAN. so i went looking for my class.
It was really weird and odd. Not like a class at all.

I miss 2J.
I really do.
It's like in this new class, everyone is so seperated, so unfamiliar.

Just like you were travelling to some faraway land. And then you see a familiar face, you feel like you are .. .. HOME.

HAix.. damn depressed.

Had EL until 6.05 or sumthing..

ANd thought abt the times 2J shared.
It just came over me like a wave of sadness..
And i found myself crying on the bus.
Okay, i noe its kinda lame or stupid but i really dunt know why.

And when you walk up the familiar stairs.. you often had the urge to climb two more flight of steps. Cuz you were too use to it. And when you look out from the window, it seems like just yesterday when we were still classmates. Those were the times... I wish time would turn back and return us back to 2J '05. I really do.

I finally understands the pain of missing and departure. It felt worse than the last day of school.

I really miss 2J.

I wish i had treasure 2J more.
But i guess now the best i can do is by remembering the times we shared and let the memories stay in my heart forever. 2 Jawdroppers 2005 ROCKS on!!!!!!!!!!